Your Not Sorry.

It was just one of those feelings, when I knew everything wasn't going to be okay. He wouldn't look me in the eyes. He keep his dark chocolate brown eyes glues to my hardwood floor. For not the first time in my life I didn't feel sorry for him. He chose his path, obviously it wasn't the one I wanted him to to take, I know If I could I would forgive him instantly like I did so many times before. Not this time, this time he would pay for what he's done. I try to not cry, as I looked up at him. How many times, would he break my heart? I wasn't giving him any more chances too. He can hook up with those slutty bar girls, I don't care, but don't go fuck them and come home and want seconds from me. It's not happening, I'm a whore, I'm not a child. I'm a grown woman, and I don't play these childish teenage boy games with guys. He didn't have to say anything, I know what he was thinking. Sorry wouldn't be okay this time. Maybe if he kissed someone,maybe if he did something simple, but cheating on me wasn't simple.

I would be lying if I said My heart wasn't breaking right now, because it was. I trusted him, and loved him with everything in me. Time and time again he left me down. I felt ridiculously stupid, but I guess that's what being in love does to you. It makes you blind, and you can't see the light anymore. "Just go, I don't wanna see you anymore" I yelled. I didn't wanna look at him, his face made me sick to my stomach. I just couldn't do this anymore. He didn't even argue back with me as he left with his head still hanging low. He ate his pride for once, and left. When he got to the door, he turned around and looked at me. His eyes were filled with sorrow and regret, it was killing me not to start crying right then and there. Maybe one day, he wouldn't affect me like this. I knew that day was coming fast, because this was the end. Our friendship was beyond dead now after what he just did, and so was whatever this thing was.

"I truly am sorry Paula" He said as he looked into my eyes.

I didn't say anything, I just let him go into his SUV and drive away, he could say he was sorry all the times he wanted, but it took me this long but I finally figured him out. I was just his play toy for fame. He would just let me down, just because he could. He didn't care how I felt, or what he meant to me. He was just a immature boy, and I was his award. Funny, how I didn't listen to anyone when they said to run. I regret that fight I had with Simon now. I felt the hot tears burning down my face, as I picked up my blackberry and hit speed dial. His phone rang a couple times before he answered. "Hello love" Simon said. I couldn't stop myself from crying. I know Simon didn't mind, but I hate the fact he was right. "Simon, can you come over..." I said threw my tears. The other end of the phone became silent as she heard him histate to reply.

"Sure sweetheart, I''ll be right there" He said.

Simon, hung up the phone. As I slid to the floor crying, I just wanted to be in Simon's arms. Thank God, he didn't ask questions, thank God he was acutally always there. Because after all this time, I was waiting for someone to come around.