It Will Rain

There was something about the rain, began to hit my window. It made me feel comfortable to sit and cry. I didn't feel comfterable talking to others about this. I mean people said they were sorry, but they didn't understand how close we were.

I honestly could look back on all the fun times we had, and cheerish then, but part of me couldn't help regret I didn't tell him how I felt.

If I could turn back time, I would prove to him I loved him. I think he might knew it deep down, but I couldn't stand the thought of him not loving me back.

So I keep it to myself, yet when something like this happens no ones prepared. To lose their best friend,their brother, my soulmate. The one that's knows you better than you know yourself.

When things started out, I didn't think things would work between us. He was an egomanic without a heart, and I was the giving one, that mothered all the kid's.

As time goes by, I realized how much he loved me. He brought a show to the U.S. just for me.

I whipped my tears away, as I layed on his side of the bed. When he was gone, I would do this, but this time he wouldn't be coming home on that plane from London. I had to remind myself, that this wasn't just a nightmare. I wouldn't wake up to Simon telling me it was okay.

I would close my eyes and wake up to this. I know it wasn't healthy, but I needed to see him.

I grabbed my coat as I went outside to get in the car, the bitter cold L.A. wind hit me in the face as I got into my BMW. I started the car and headed for Simon's grave.

When I arrived there, I did my best to not look that I been crying. I know he hated it when I cried, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't stay strong when everything I ever wanted was gone.

I kneeled down besides his grave stone, as I put my hand to where I thought his heart was. I felt the tears coming back into my carmel brown eyes. This time I just let the come. "Simon, it's only been a week, and I'm back here. It's funny isn't it. How we think the ones we love the most will never leave us. You don't deserve to be here Simon. That guy should be here, but we change the past. I miss you so much.. I need you Simon, but I know your in a better place now, but I will never forget you. I will love you for the rest of my life" I said as tears came over me once more. I whipped the tears off my face, as I felt the wind hit me hard once again.

I looked up to the sky, as it began to rain. I ran back into my car, and broke down crying. It would always feel this way now that he is gone, but I swear as soon as I drove out of that grave yard I heard him say. "Paula, let me go" I whipped away my tears, and drove back home. To an empty house in The Hills, made for two.